Can't go on
by Irelandfaith1118
Summary: This is just a short fic I wrote in dedication to the Sam Carter and Jack O'Neill from the episode Point of View. This is not the Sam and Jack we know - this is the Sam and Jack from the AR. My heart hurt so bad that both Samantha Carters from the AR had to loose their Jack's
1. Can't go on

Can't Go On

I stand under the spraying water and as it runs down my face, it mixes with my tears. I pray as each minute passes that your memory would wash away, but it doesn't. Do I really want it to? No! I do not want to go on without you yet everyone tells me I must. Who are they to tell me what I should do? I haven't felt your touch in such a long time. I haven't felt full since you left. Why did you have to go? Did you fight at all or did He even give you a choice? I whisper your name and I catch my breath because it sounds so fragile, so hollow.

I climb from the shower and into our bed, you know love that it will always be our bed. I clutch tight to your pillow. Where is your smell? It used to soothe me in the mornings when I would wake up and remember that you would not be lying beside me anymore, watching me sleep. Oh God, how I miss you! So much it is hard to breath at times. I want - no I need - you here with me. I long to have you hold me tightly as we climb past the highest point of Heaven together. I beg for the stars to explode again in my head when you kiss me. Please tell Him to send you back to me, do not leave me here all alone. You made my whole life so different when you made me your own that I do not want to live without you. How do I go on? How? Can I lie here forever and just dream of you until God sends you back to me or til He comes to take me? Would you come and take me back with you?

But then, your telling me as each day passes that I must go on- that it is time and I know this because I do not feel you as strong as I use to. So, I will try. I make you that promise. But in return, you must promise me something also. That occasionally, I will again feel you as close as I use to, so close that it makes me think you are here. By doing this you will let me know that you still love me, and that you will love me until the end.

I love you… forever


	2. My Jack

My Jack

I stepped back through the mirror today. I am home again, although it will never feel like home again. Not after losing you, having to live without you here in my reality when I know that there is another of you alive in another reality. God I could not believe it when I looked at him. I swore it was you. The smell, the smile, the confused look, the hug – oh the hug – it was so you.

I told him about our dinner – how we were just getting ready to celebrate our first anniversary. I felt sorry for him. Like you, he did not know what to say. It was so hard to figure out that he was not you. I wanted so bad for it to be. For me to be able to look at him and see you and I did but deep down I knew and so did he. He tried to tell me but I would not listen. I wanted so bad for everyone to be wrong.

I thought maybe when he stepped into our world, he would stay. That maybe there was nothing for him to go back to in his world. But I guess there was – the same thing you fell for in your world. I wonder if she knows how much he loves her? I wonder if she knows that she is the lucky one – even though I got to marry you – she still has her Jack.

I walked him back to the mirror and the whole time I was praying that maybe it would not work – maybe he would have to stay with me and I could have my world right side up again. But the mirror did work and she was standing there waiting on him. Just like I would have been. I reached over and kissed him. I am sorry – was it cheating? I did not think so – but then there was something wrong – something did not feel right.

And it dawned on me – You were not him no more than he was you! It would never have worked for the love I have for you would not have been the same for him. So I will have to live with the fact that my Jack is gone – you are gone and not coming back and somewhere there is another Jack waiting for his Sam to realize that she is meant for him. I just hope by my visiting their world they do not wait too long and lose what time they may have together.

I will always love you! No one but you! And one day we will be able to be together again – and when I kiss you I will know it is you.


End file.
